A New Year

I was reading over some of my other posts and I thought, "boy I complain alot."  I never meant to come off always angry or only write what is upsetting but yet that is all I have done.  I began this with a positive outlook and wanted to use this opportunity to help me re-evaluate those thoughts that seem so negative.  I'm never one for New Year's Resolutions, but this year I'm going to break that.  I decided that instead of getting angry or upset at work or school and than getting on here to just complain, I'm instead going to get upset or angry and get on here to talk about something positive about that issue.

I'd like to begin with saying how much I like this one nurse's smile.  She occassionally smiles and when she does its a very nice, sincere and pretty smile.  I hope to see her smiling more this coming year and I hope that her life is less troubled and complicated.  Those she enjoys being around make her smile more and I do hope that those moments are frequent for her.

Now I must say, that felt a whole lot better than just whining and feeling depressed.  "Don't sweat the small stuff"... that's what they say right?


Cheers!

Benevolent Creatures

I love animals.  I love the fact that they aren't critical, unpredictable, impatient, loud, obnoxious, (please insert more negative adjectives regarding some people).  I had a confrontation with a co-worker today regarding something that technically I'm not trained on, but every nurse has said it was fine if I do it.  Its merely pressing a button on the IV when it begins beeping for random reasons.  She came in when I told her it was continuously going off (she had never bothered to rush in there and check it so I did).  Instead of just taking the time to fix it in the first place, she waits until I bring it to her attention again and then its my fault because I continuously was hitting the silent button.  The patient had complained multiple times that it was annoying her and so I did that to give her peace.  Now another nurse had gone in there to look at the IV and said it was fine.  What I would like to know is why this nurse never complained before about me doing this? What about this situation was different?  She upset me so much that my chest started hurting and I'm feeling very anxious.  I know she complained about me to another nurse (she didn't really bother to be discrete about it).  So now I'm afraid everyone knows and that they are all being overly-critical even though they have done it themselves.  I'm sure its just my anxiety overly exaggerating the situation, but my mind just can't help but think these things.

Luckily my day wasn't all bad.  A bloodhound who is working as a therapy dog came by the unit and I just love these days when they stop by.  I just had a blast loving all over Daisy and getting those big slobbery bloodhound kisses from her!  Animals are so great to be around.... how can you be angry when you have that cute of a face staring at you??

Cheers!

Utoya and Oslo, Norway

I shiver at realizing just what some people are capable of.  The man who is suspected of the bombing in Oslo and the shooting rampage on Utoya seems so normal in his photos.  Its hard to imagine that anyone is capable of killing another human being, and to go to an island where a large youth group is located and shooting teenagers point blank is even more horrific.  I always found it appropriate that the Nobel Peace Prize is awarded in Norway because they seem to have so little violence there.  Its such a quiet peaceful community of people and to think of this happening there is truly mind blowing.  I shed tears reading the first hand accounts of some of the young survivors and their tales of escape and terror.  My thoughts go out to all of the victims and their families.  I hope that they find peace in their hearts and that the pain of their losses is short.  My thoughts are with you, the people of Norway.

World Of Warcraft

Oh yes, this is another post about another MMORPG!  If you haven't figured it out yet, I'm a total nerd and these games are just great in my opinion.  There is always an exciting appeal to having the ability to play an RPG with other live players.  My next adventure in these game types was of course World of Warcraft.  Now I'm not going to go too deeply into this one considering I've had it for about a week now and I've only been able to get on three times to play (darn you school and work taking up my precious time!).  Its a blast so far though.  There are so many races to chose from that it took me an entire night to fully read up on each and then make a decision.  Having the Burning Crusade expansion pack has allowed me even more choices which is really exciting to say the least.  Choosing a job path was equally if not more harder than choosing the race.  Ultimately for my first character I went with the Shaman and I'm enjoying it!  Its a nice mixture of magical spells and melee attacks.  The other aspect of this game which Rappelz has angered me on, is that they don't punish you for dying.  If you can make it back to your body you will lose zero experience points.  Rappelz on the other hand deducts quite a bit of your experience when you die even risking the possibility of deleveling your character.  This is the factor that has angered me so much that I have made a personal ban on Rappelz and I refuse to play it any longer.  Its nearly impossible to play solo and level yourself.  I say damn you Rappelz!

If anyone reading this is an avid player of World of Warcraft, feel free to look me up: Azzari is my main character.

Cheers!

Prius Online (MMORPG)

So gpotato has finally opened Prius online for open beta testing and I have to say I'm not all that impressed.  As with most MMORPGs there is a major learning curve but I feel that this one didn't take the time to explain anything.  The character system resembles that of Aika but with one unique "cat" type character.  Most of the characters are long range attackers which is quite frustrating when you need a good variety for dungeon parties.  Also much like Aika you have a small fairy child pet that slowly grows and learns with you.  Let me first say that I just can't stand the Prius version of this.  The very first time you meet your fairy, also called an Anime, its a confusing narration that makes no sense at all referring to past memories and other mumbo jumbo.  Then the very next scene I'm attempting to open a chest when a message pops up on my screen stating that my anime is very nervous and that I should comfort her.  For the creators of this game I would like to ask... HOW the heck do I do that????  I'm sitting there attempting just about everything to calm her down when my timer runs out and another message pops up stating that my anime is disappointed in my lack of concern for her.  At this point I pretty much said the game isn't worth it and I closed it out. 

This game has so many problems that I could fill this blog for eternity with the points that I don't like.  But I'll leave it as this for now and merely state that I'm sticking with Aika or Rappelz.

Cheers!

Prince Sheogorath of the Shivering Isles

If you have read earlier posts, you might well know that I just love video games, particularly RPGs.  Oblivion IV was my very first RPG ever and it was truly the game that drew me into that genre.  Before it, I was a strictly first person shooter fan, you would have never caught me playing anything else.  Halo, Gears of War, Left 4 Dead, you name it I probably played it! 

Now the entire game of Oblivion IV is just truly remarkable, but the one thing about it that I'll never forget is the Shivering Isles downloadable content.  Another thing to keep in mind with this is yes it was my first dive into an RPG game, but also I played it right after being diagnosed with Bipolar II disorder.  So, with that said, when I first encountered this Shivering Isles I felt as though someone had looked through my eyes and created this fantasy world just for me.  I fell in love with the place right away.  You walk through one of the doors (dementia or mania) and its truly a beautiful, and yet artificial, world.  Large tree trunks twist up to mushroom tops, flowers that are so wondefully colorful dot the rolling green fields, and at night as you look up you watch as pink and purple galaxies and nebulas float across the night sky.  Its a truly artistic and beautiful world.  What really drew me in was seeing the two sides to this city.  You have the dementia side which is dark and twisted, but all you have to do is walk through a door and you'll enter the bright colorful world of mania.  Now considering I had been struggling at this time with my new diagnosis of Bipolar it literally was a reflection of myself.  This world had two sides as if someone took me, split me in half, and let me walk around a world that reflected these two sides of myself.  I loved it!!!!!!!

I spent a lot of time wandering around this game land just enjoying the view when I decided that it was time to move on with the game and work my way towards the end.  That is when I met Prince Sheogorath, the creater and master of Shivering Isles.  He is so wonderfully entertaining that I fell in love right away with this character.  He rambles on continously switching quickly between threats of death and lementations of joy that you are there.  He is an extreme of what I was at this time of my life.....a complete nut case!  Swinging back and forth between happiness and anger this Prince couldn't be more humerous.  Even now.. a good couple years since I first played this game, I still smile at the thought of speaking with this truly mad character.  The thought that consistantly stuck with me was, "if he were a real person, he would be truly fun to just hang out with."  I have to congratulate the designers of this game and the storyboard writers who came up with his laughable rants.

If I had any skill in writing, I think I would write an ode to the Prince of Madness.  But considering my lack of talent, I'll just have to live with this short blog entry.

Cheers!

A New Phase

Last night we had our pinning ceremony for the Vet Tech program and it made me realize how I'm entering into a new phase in my life.  I've been in and out of various college programs never quite sure as to what I wanted to do with my life and so because of this, I never actually imagined myself being out of college.  Nine years I've been going to college and now its all coming to an end.  I do find it exciting, but also a bit unnerving.  Where do I go from here?  Of course I plan to start working as soon as I can and in the fall I start my bachelor's degree.  I guess I just can't stay away from school!  But what happens in two years when I'm done with that?  What happens when my husband finishes grad school?  What do you have to aim for after all of this is said and done?  So many questions and never any answers.  I suppose that is why life is so interesting... it keeps you on your toes.

Cheers!