Moods: Good vs Bad

I have to wonder if some people prefer to be in bad moods rather than good ones.  I think this because I work with a nurse who is in a perpetual bad mood.  I'm now a person (due to extensive therapy) who can easily find the good and I find myself nearly always in a good mood.  I hum to myself while smiling, my patients state that I am sweet, and my coworkers comment on my bright outlook.  Today was no different than any other day in which I come into work with positive thoughts and feelings.  I feel that if I can spread some good cheer around perhaps those around me will be happier as well, unfortunately this does not work on the particular individual I had beforehand mentioned.  I was initially floated to another department but when the needs of my own increased enough for me to return. I had returned to my home unit.  The moment I walked through the door I could tell that today for this nurse was no different than any other, her scowl seemed to darken the room.  I smiled as I always do and asked her how her morning had progressed which was responded with another scowl and "The same shit as always, just a new day."  I do not find a fault with this person, but I just wish she was more perceptive and receiving when someone offers good moods.  I have seen other people attempt to cheer this woman and their efforts are usually received in the same manor as mine. 

I realize that people are individually responsible for bringing themselves into good, cheerful moods, and I also realize that some people need that extra outside help to elevate their mood.  Obviously this is a personal choice for her to remain in such a dark state of mind, but her actions and behavior represent my entire department.  I was appalled (but not surprised) to hear people on the floor I had floated to speak of this nurse and how on prior occasions when floated to their department has exhibited such negative attitudes that not only staff complained but patients as well.  I have personally have had two patients of mine express a concern regarding this nurse's attitude.  What upsets me regarding these situations is that I am now held responsible for her behavior.  I apologize multiple times and they state that there is no need for me to be sorry for her actions, but how can I not apologize when she is representing our unit?  I go to these other units and I feel the need to be extra bubbly in order to show them that not all of us have such a negative attitude towards work.  I feel the need to apologize to her patients stating that not all of the staff shares her feelings and that we are very concerned with the care they receive while in our facility.  I am constantly doing PR work while around this woman and I tire of being looked upon by staff, patients, and family so negatively because they perceive us as being heartless, careless, and unconcerned.

Well, that was my rant and now that its finally off my chest I feel again at ease and relaxed.  I look over to my side occasionally and watch her, wondering what about her life makes her so miserable, but I feel that I'll never know the answer to that.  I feel sorry for her, no one should ever have to be so truly upset with life.  I hope she too finds peace of mind like I did and will one day be able to come into work, singing and smiling with cheer.

Cheers!

Television

I just can't stand TV anymore.  A while back my husband and I decided that we were paying way too much money for satellite TV that we never watched.  So it made sense to just cancel our satellite and live off of Netflix and movies.  Its been nearly 5 months since we've had it and I can say honestly I don't miss it.  Today I'm sitting with a patient, who mind is sleeping the entire day, wants her TV on and loudly.  I wanted to study for a test or enjoy a bit of a book, but I can not for anything stay focused.  Even now as I'm typing this that infernal noise box is yelling in my ears some woman on the cooking channel.  It just further proves that I do not need to go back to having cable.  I find myself getting agitated listening to it and my patient is lying over there snoring.  If she isn't awake why have the darn thing on in the first place???  I thought if anything she would have liked to have it off so that she could rest, but if anyone or anything wakes her up she turns it back on and turns the volume way up.


Victory is mine!!  Sorry, a Family Guy reference there!!  I can smile once again because my dear little lady as fallen asleep once more and so I turned the volume down to let her rest.  The poor dear really does need to rest and I'm hoping that with fewer distractions she'll be more able to do so.  Rest is often the best medicine for some people, and I'm hoping that its the case for this sweet woman.

Cheers!

A Fountain of Knowledge

I just love meeting new people who are really knowledgeable of subject material that is quite beyond me.  If only the brain were literally a sponge that could soak up all the information they have.  Just a bit ago I had a nurse explain that "Mucine" was a term referring to the common genius of mice.  The other weekend I worked with a nurse who was a big herpetologist and was explaining to me how some rattlesnakes here lately have not been growing rattles as early as they should.  He was saying that they have been mistaken for common bull snakes until turned in order to see the diamond pattern because they have been full grown and yet have no rattle.

I love to learn and ask questions and I really love when people are so willing to share their information with me.  To me asking someone questions is a form of respect.  Its as if I'm saying, "I value your knowledge and wish to gain some from you."  Of course you do run into the very rare occasion where a person seems to not take my questions in that matter and come off rudely because I'm either pestering them with questions or not bright enough to figure the information out for myself.  Dealing with these rare events is definitely worth the information I do gain from those who are so pleased to teach others.

If I were to have one wish it would be to have a mind that was capable of taking in all around me and gather information in a way that I could refer back to.  Until some random genie decides to pop up and offer me three wishes, I suppose I'll just have to deal with my "less than sponge-like" brain.

Cheers!

Dealing with Mail Carriers

Is it just me or has the USPS gone down hill?  I ordered some things through Amazon and received a notice that it had been delivered last night at 6pm.  Well, I got home around 7pm and when I checked the mail at 8pm there were no packages.  I even called my apartment building main office to check if they had it and was disappointed to find out they hadn't received anything.  I understand that people are only human and can make mistakes, but this was a ring that wasn't inexpensive and I was truly looking forward to getting.  So all afternoon after a long day in class I've been on my phone making calls after calls when I would much rather be playing Boggle or Angry birds on my phone instead.  Everyone I've spoken to has been very polite and understanding but they have no answers for me and so I'm still sitting here with my phone on hold desperately trying to figure out what happened.  I'm trying to remain positive and hopeful that the issue will soon correct itself, but its hard not to have those pessimistic thoughts in the back of your mind whispering that nothing can be done and the packages are lost forever.

Positive thoughts, positive thoughts.... Let's see... they are very polite and helpful over the phone.  Surely the packages will show up somewhere.  It's only money and time that I'm losing out on (hmm... I'm not convinced of this one).

Cheers!

Sims 3

I'm a perpetually late techy.  When people were getting their iPod Nanos I was still listening to CDs.  When people were getting iPhones, I finally was getting an iPod.  When people were getting iPads I have finally gotten an iPhone.  And of course... I just purchased Sims 3.  Mind, I haven't played any Sims games in over 6 years since I have resorted to playing only Xbox games such as Dragon Age, Oblivion, Mass Effect, Left4Dead, etc.  My sister, who just so happens to be a Sims fanatic, showed me a video she had made while playing the Sims3 game, and so I decided it was well worth a try.  I got it Friday night and unfortunately I work weekends so the only game time I have done so far amounts to around 1 hour.  I had a blast getting to design my little family, outfits and all.  The game seems relatively easy to control as my Sims characters come and go from work to home.  Playing this has reminded me how much I loved playing Sims Busting Out way back when on my PS2.  I'm actually disappointed that I had waited so long to get this game.  Of course I only have my sister to thank for introducing me to the wonderful world of people in Sunset Valley.... and to that I say Thank You!

Even my husband has gotten in the Sims spirit.  Taking it upon himself to mimic a "joke" article in The Onion, he has created a psychological experiment in which a woman is married to one brother and is having an affair with the other brother.  He also enclosed them in their house with no chance of escape or of obtaining food.  After a lengthy endurance trial the "larger" of the two brothers who took it upon himself to eat what little rotten food was left in the fridge, was the only member of the household to survive the experiment and so he rewarded him with the opportunity of leaving the "prison".  It was quite amusing watching my husband chuckle at himself.

Blogging

I have to ask myself why in the world did I even start this blog.  The only thing that comes to mind is that I like to randomly write about whatever it is I'm feeling, seeing, doing, etc. Will anybody read any of it?  Probably not, but that isn't the point.  The point is to just sit here at my computer and let my fingers glide over the keys as the random thoughts pass through my mind.  The other nice thing about blogging is the ability to vent or rant about issues that you can't at present complain about.  Another question that comes to mind about blogging is how many people out there have their own blog?  Do others read what they have to say?  I have absolutely nothing of interest to say so if no one ever reads any of my blogs does it make worth while to do?  I suppose so.  It gives me an outlet so even if none of you out there in the world even bother to glance at this insignificant blog it still does what I need it to do...... it gives me an opportunity to find release.

I could spend the next ten blog entries going on about random things I see at work or why Captain Pickard is far more worthy of being a captain than Captain Kirk and no one will ever read any of it but its still wonderful knowing that I can do it in the first place.  This makes me feel like what I have to say is purposeful and meaningful even though none of it is!  Don't you just love the magic of the internet?

An Intro into who I am

Let me first begin by saying that I am not an interesting person.  There will be no heroic tales or adventures in my blog.  I am merely me.  I am an insignificant person and that pleases me considering I hate having attention drawn towards me.  I work as a CNA (for those who are unaware what this is, it stands for Certified Nursing Assistant which translates as a person who does very basic health care and is responsible for helping the nurses as best as they can) in a hospital and I'm in school to become a Veterinary Nurse.  A veterinary nurse was not my first choice, in fact I went through many job dreams as I grew up.  My first dream job was to be a Meteorologist but when I discovered that it was nearly impossible to get a job ONLY chasing tornadoes I quickly decided against it.  Then it was to be a doctor.  I felt that being a nurse would be much more rewarding so I started off as a CNA and quickly realized that nurses are under appreciated, over worked, and quickly burned out.  I saw that no matter how much good you do for some people they will always complain and threaten.  Seeing people come in waving the "I'll sue" statement around just so that they can get their fix on narcotics made me feel disgusted and angry.  After 4 years of working as a CNA I ultimately decided that nursing wasn't for me so I switched my ambitions to becoming an astronomer.   Space had been a relatively new love for me.  I remember the first night my grandfather pulled out his telescope and let me view the stars... I fell in love right away.  I had my college picked out and was ready to get started when I further looked into what a job like that would require for me.  That is when I saw "teaching".  I'm not a good teacher, I'm overly critical and have zero patience for some people.  I couldn't in all good consciousness go for a career that would ultimately leave me miserable (or my students miserable) so I again looked into different career paths.  I continued working for 2 more years when I met my future husband.  It was love at first sight, but that is a story for a different time.  We had been married for 2 years when my sister mentioned veterinary nursing stating that my love for animals would make a wonderful career and so my husband aided me in finding a good school.  I had never heard of this, assuming that Veterinarians were the only jobs available for animal care.  I looked further into it and decided that it was something worth trying.  I'm currently in my second year of school and will finish in December of this year.  It's truly the first time in my life where I felt happy with my decision. 
That is my schooling and career history.

There are so many things that can define or make up a person.  My personality I feel is a great part of what makes me, me.  I'm a quiet individual and hate to indulge information regarding myself unless its done incognito.  I love to blog and chat on forums just as long as no one knows me personally.  I feel a sense of security hiding behind a computer and a screen name. I have quirky habits and behaviors that thankfully my husband finds endearing.  I'm a nerd at heart and am addicted to Star Trek, Star Wars, documentaries, and the history channel.  I also have a mental illness.  I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, panic disorder, depression, and Bipolar II disorder.  These all make a big part of me.  When I first realized I had problems I had let them progress so far that I was at the point where I could not even leave my house for fear of some unknown disaster that awaited me if I did.  I wouldn't dare go upstairs in my home without my husband because some deep part of me felt that a little girl lived up there.  After seeing me slowly develop more and more fears, my husband convinced me to go see a therapist.  It was the perfect decision and has done me good since then.  The first 2 years were the hardest.  I ended up in the hospital 4 times on various occasions relating to my mental illness.  My emotions were all over the place and the only thing I could rely on was my husband, my loving sister, and caring parents. They all stood by me and supported me through it all.  Its something I can never repay them for and I try to remember to thank them for it everyday.  I've gone through many medication trials and have finally in the past year have found the right combination.  It feels wonderful that I can get up each morning and get ready for the day without feeling like it takes every ounce of my energy to do so.  My emotions have stabilized and there is no guess work as to what I'll do next.  I do not hate having a mental illness for it definitely is a part of what makes me and I feel that it has made me a much better person.  I have patience for individuals and I am able to handle more than I was ever capable of before.

That is a small portion of everything that defines me, but I don't want to bore anyone.  I wanted to give you a basic idea of what I'm like so that perhaps some of my mindless rabble and rants would at least have an explanation as to why I say and do the things I do.