A New Year

I was reading over some of my other posts and I thought, "boy I complain alot."  I never meant to come off always angry or only write what is upsetting but yet that is all I have done.  I began this with a positive outlook and wanted to use this opportunity to help me re-evaluate those thoughts that seem so negative.  I'm never one for New Year's Resolutions, but this year I'm going to break that.  I decided that instead of getting angry or upset at work or school and than getting on here to just complain, I'm instead going to get upset or angry and get on here to talk about something positive about that issue.

I'd like to begin with saying how much I like this one nurse's smile.  She occassionally smiles and when she does its a very nice, sincere and pretty smile.  I hope to see her smiling more this coming year and I hope that her life is less troubled and complicated.  Those she enjoys being around make her smile more and I do hope that those moments are frequent for her.

Now I must say, that felt a whole lot better than just whining and feeling depressed.  "Don't sweat the small stuff"... that's what they say right?


Cheers!

Benevolent Creatures

I love animals.  I love the fact that they aren't critical, unpredictable, impatient, loud, obnoxious, (please insert more negative adjectives regarding some people).  I had a confrontation with a co-worker today regarding something that technically I'm not trained on, but every nurse has said it was fine if I do it.  Its merely pressing a button on the IV when it begins beeping for random reasons.  She came in when I told her it was continuously going off (she had never bothered to rush in there and check it so I did).  Instead of just taking the time to fix it in the first place, she waits until I bring it to her attention again and then its my fault because I continuously was hitting the silent button.  The patient had complained multiple times that it was annoying her and so I did that to give her peace.  Now another nurse had gone in there to look at the IV and said it was fine.  What I would like to know is why this nurse never complained before about me doing this? What about this situation was different?  She upset me so much that my chest started hurting and I'm feeling very anxious.  I know she complained about me to another nurse (she didn't really bother to be discrete about it).  So now I'm afraid everyone knows and that they are all being overly-critical even though they have done it themselves.  I'm sure its just my anxiety overly exaggerating the situation, but my mind just can't help but think these things.

Luckily my day wasn't all bad.  A bloodhound who is working as a therapy dog came by the unit and I just love these days when they stop by.  I just had a blast loving all over Daisy and getting those big slobbery bloodhound kisses from her!  Animals are so great to be around.... how can you be angry when you have that cute of a face staring at you??

Cheers!

Utoya and Oslo, Norway

I shiver at realizing just what some people are capable of.  The man who is suspected of the bombing in Oslo and the shooting rampage on Utoya seems so normal in his photos.  Its hard to imagine that anyone is capable of killing another human being, and to go to an island where a large youth group is located and shooting teenagers point blank is even more horrific.  I always found it appropriate that the Nobel Peace Prize is awarded in Norway because they seem to have so little violence there.  Its such a quiet peaceful community of people and to think of this happening there is truly mind blowing.  I shed tears reading the first hand accounts of some of the young survivors and their tales of escape and terror.  My thoughts go out to all of the victims and their families.  I hope that they find peace in their hearts and that the pain of their losses is short.  My thoughts are with you, the people of Norway.

World Of Warcraft

Oh yes, this is another post about another MMORPG!  If you haven't figured it out yet, I'm a total nerd and these games are just great in my opinion.  There is always an exciting appeal to having the ability to play an RPG with other live players.  My next adventure in these game types was of course World of Warcraft.  Now I'm not going to go too deeply into this one considering I've had it for about a week now and I've only been able to get on three times to play (darn you school and work taking up my precious time!).  Its a blast so far though.  There are so many races to chose from that it took me an entire night to fully read up on each and then make a decision.  Having the Burning Crusade expansion pack has allowed me even more choices which is really exciting to say the least.  Choosing a job path was equally if not more harder than choosing the race.  Ultimately for my first character I went with the Shaman and I'm enjoying it!  Its a nice mixture of magical spells and melee attacks.  The other aspect of this game which Rappelz has angered me on, is that they don't punish you for dying.  If you can make it back to your body you will lose zero experience points.  Rappelz on the other hand deducts quite a bit of your experience when you die even risking the possibility of deleveling your character.  This is the factor that has angered me so much that I have made a personal ban on Rappelz and I refuse to play it any longer.  Its nearly impossible to play solo and level yourself.  I say damn you Rappelz!

If anyone reading this is an avid player of World of Warcraft, feel free to look me up: Azzari is my main character.

Cheers!

Prius Online (MMORPG)

So gpotato has finally opened Prius online for open beta testing and I have to say I'm not all that impressed.  As with most MMORPGs there is a major learning curve but I feel that this one didn't take the time to explain anything.  The character system resembles that of Aika but with one unique "cat" type character.  Most of the characters are long range attackers which is quite frustrating when you need a good variety for dungeon parties.  Also much like Aika you have a small fairy child pet that slowly grows and learns with you.  Let me first say that I just can't stand the Prius version of this.  The very first time you meet your fairy, also called an Anime, its a confusing narration that makes no sense at all referring to past memories and other mumbo jumbo.  Then the very next scene I'm attempting to open a chest when a message pops up on my screen stating that my anime is very nervous and that I should comfort her.  For the creators of this game I would like to ask... HOW the heck do I do that????  I'm sitting there attempting just about everything to calm her down when my timer runs out and another message pops up stating that my anime is disappointed in my lack of concern for her.  At this point I pretty much said the game isn't worth it and I closed it out. 

This game has so many problems that I could fill this blog for eternity with the points that I don't like.  But I'll leave it as this for now and merely state that I'm sticking with Aika or Rappelz.

Cheers!

Prince Sheogorath of the Shivering Isles

If you have read earlier posts, you might well know that I just love video games, particularly RPGs.  Oblivion IV was my very first RPG ever and it was truly the game that drew me into that genre.  Before it, I was a strictly first person shooter fan, you would have never caught me playing anything else.  Halo, Gears of War, Left 4 Dead, you name it I probably played it! 

Now the entire game of Oblivion IV is just truly remarkable, but the one thing about it that I'll never forget is the Shivering Isles downloadable content.  Another thing to keep in mind with this is yes it was my first dive into an RPG game, but also I played it right after being diagnosed with Bipolar II disorder.  So, with that said, when I first encountered this Shivering Isles I felt as though someone had looked through my eyes and created this fantasy world just for me.  I fell in love with the place right away.  You walk through one of the doors (dementia or mania) and its truly a beautiful, and yet artificial, world.  Large tree trunks twist up to mushroom tops, flowers that are so wondefully colorful dot the rolling green fields, and at night as you look up you watch as pink and purple galaxies and nebulas float across the night sky.  Its a truly artistic and beautiful world.  What really drew me in was seeing the two sides to this city.  You have the dementia side which is dark and twisted, but all you have to do is walk through a door and you'll enter the bright colorful world of mania.  Now considering I had been struggling at this time with my new diagnosis of Bipolar it literally was a reflection of myself.  This world had two sides as if someone took me, split me in half, and let me walk around a world that reflected these two sides of myself.  I loved it!!!!!!!

I spent a lot of time wandering around this game land just enjoying the view when I decided that it was time to move on with the game and work my way towards the end.  That is when I met Prince Sheogorath, the creater and master of Shivering Isles.  He is so wonderfully entertaining that I fell in love right away with this character.  He rambles on continously switching quickly between threats of death and lementations of joy that you are there.  He is an extreme of what I was at this time of my life.....a complete nut case!  Swinging back and forth between happiness and anger this Prince couldn't be more humerous.  Even now.. a good couple years since I first played this game, I still smile at the thought of speaking with this truly mad character.  The thought that consistantly stuck with me was, "if he were a real person, he would be truly fun to just hang out with."  I have to congratulate the designers of this game and the storyboard writers who came up with his laughable rants.

If I had any skill in writing, I think I would write an ode to the Prince of Madness.  But considering my lack of talent, I'll just have to live with this short blog entry.

Cheers!

A New Phase

Last night we had our pinning ceremony for the Vet Tech program and it made me realize how I'm entering into a new phase in my life.  I've been in and out of various college programs never quite sure as to what I wanted to do with my life and so because of this, I never actually imagined myself being out of college.  Nine years I've been going to college and now its all coming to an end.  I do find it exciting, but also a bit unnerving.  Where do I go from here?  Of course I plan to start working as soon as I can and in the fall I start my bachelor's degree.  I guess I just can't stay away from school!  But what happens in two years when I'm done with that?  What happens when my husband finishes grad school?  What do you have to aim for after all of this is said and done?  So many questions and never any answers.  I suppose that is why life is so interesting... it keeps you on your toes.

Cheers!

Dragon Age II *Spoilers Inside*

When I play a game, I don't just play... I live it.  It starts to encompass my entire world so that really nothing else besides the game can be accomplished and Dragon Age II is no different from any other game I've played.  I'm not quite sure, other than I'm just a backwards person, but I decided to read some people's review on the game after the fact that I've played and finished it.  I found nearly all of them to have a good perspective and good points about positive and negative aspects of the game.  Generally I personally enjoy the game (when you have the same producers that created nearly the greatest games of all time: Mass Effect series, you just can't go wrong).

So let's start with the dialogue.  Its great..... and yet a bit redundant at times.  Having played through a couple times, choosing different dialogue options and choices throughout the game, I discovered that much of it stays the same regardless of things you do.  For example, let's look at the Blackpowder Promise mission (This mission is prior to the Blackpowder Courtesy).  You begin the mission by stumbling upon a dwarf being attacked by giant spiders.  He tells you about this powerful explosive blackpowder made by the Qunari and he then asks you to hunt down the Tal-Vashoth (a ruthless band of rebel Qunari) as a favor for the Arishok.  At this point in time you have various dialogue options ranging from the basic "yea I'll do it", "this is a stupid plan", to the downright, "forget it".  Regardless of which dialogue option you choose the mission (as with all the missions in this game) remains open for you to perform.  After taking on the Tal-Vashoth you then are prompted to return to the docks and speak with the Qunari leader.  Through two different play-throughs I chose one, "yea I'll do it" and one "forget it".  The dialogue between the dwarf, the Arishok, and myself didn't vary at all.  The game highly prompts that the choices you make alters game play and I just don't see this consistently with the various missions. 

Fighting: Wonderful.  The game designers really improved upon an already good system.  I recall games earlier on in my life where it was mere button smashing in order to fight your way through your enemies and most games today have drastically improved this.  Dragon Age II has a wonderfully easy radial menu with six options open to various fighting styles you can personally assign to each.  I just loved that they kept this from the first one.  Also with this sequel the moves that you see your characters performing have become even more flourished with grace and style.  I was also quite impressed that the mages in the game went from mere point and shoot with their staff to a much more kung fu type movements as they twirl their staffs along their body. 

Armor:  Very nice that I no longer have to worry about purchasing armor for my companions as they wear what is originally assigned to them, but you are allowed to upgrade each one's armor to help protect you along the game with the progressively stronger opponents.  I was hoping for more style and pizazz for my character, but I wasn't entirely disappointed either.  The ultimate champion armor of course being one of the best looking armors available, I was intrigued that instead of just handing it over in the third act, you are instead expected to fight a boss dragon (which was one heck of an ordeal).

Ending:  I enjoyed that you are still able to romance your various companions so as my first run through with the game I chose to woo Anders, an apostate mage who has fused himself with a spirit of justice.  I was dreadfully disappointed that he turned out to be a mass murderer with no sense of regret or guilt.  It made me think of how different it would have been if the designers instead allowed you to stop him if pursuing a relationship with him, and not have that capability if romancing any of the other companions.  I just wish that I had more control over the events that lead to and end the game.  With Mass Effect I felt that every choice, even in regards to the smallest of side missions, ultimately had some affect on the rest of the game play and ending.  Your companion's lives are literally in your hands in Mass Effect 2, but you just don't see or feel that way with Dragon Age II.

All in all I thoroughly enjoyed the game and I personally would give it a 7.5 out of 10.  I suppose after having played Mass Effect, my standards have risen in regards to RPG's, but Dragon Age II surely doesn't disappoint in entertainment value.

Cheers!

A Cattle Story

Oh do I have quite the humorous cattle story that would be criminal to keep to myself.  Everyone should have the pleasure of laughing at my expense!  As I have stated before in posts and in my profile, I'm a Veterinary Nurse.  My class was assigned to a reproductive Angus cattle farm to do some clinical hours with large animals.  The morning started off without a hitch as we corralled a couple of heifers, placed them in the cattle alley, and put the first heifer into the chute.  *Just as a side note, this particular style of alley and chute was designed by an autistic woman whose goal was to limit the stress of the animal when corralling them into these small areas.  The heifer seemed very calm, occasionally mooing at us as we practiced placing harnesses and jugular blood draws.  The veteranarian on staff was very knowledgeable with many years of experience in large animal medicine.  He explained everything that they do at the ranch even going into detail on how they mass produce embryos of elite cattle to sell.  We were all having a pretty good time, as far as I could tell, and I know I was having just a blast.  The veterinarian then asked if any of us would like to draw blood from a tail vein, and me always wanting to try everything that is offered, quickly rose my hand and stepped up to the chute.  The veterinarian got in first and showed me as I stood off to the side, just how I was going to walk in and do the blood draw.  He lifted the heifer's tail and she managed to squirt out a bit of feces onto his overalls.  We all kind of chuckled and then he stepped out so that I could go in next.  Filled with an undying eagerness I walked into the chute and stepped up to the cow's behind.  The veterinarian stood close to monitor and was giving me good pointers as I felt along the tail for the exact spot I needed.  Being a kind gentleman and in an attempt to aid me, the veterinarian said he would hold the tail up for me.  As soon as that tail went up in the air, Bessy (the name I decided to give my sweet cow friend) took aim and fired. From my stomach down to the boots I wore were literally covered in **** (feces).  And of course, like a true trooper, I looked down, looked back up at my classmates, smiled, and laughed.  I sure wasn't going to let a little bit of warm brown goo get me down so with tail still high up in the air, I poked and got blood on my first try! 
I sort of waddled my way out of the chute and like any other animal lover, instead of immediately going to wash off, I was more concerned with my patient.  Unfortunately (the one down side to my story) the heifer had been in the chute for such a time that it had blocked the jugular artery causing her to not be able to walk.  We were all pretty shaken up as we saw her desperately trying to stand on her front two legs to get back out to the pasture.

Thankfully there was only good news after we had departed from the ranch.  The veterinarian informed us that she had recovered fully and was doing just fine.  They had given her some pain medications and this seemed to do the trick.  As for me I have lots of photos and my stained jeans to never let me forget about my wonderful experience!

Cheers!

Email Corruption

I've heard of this happening to others, but never imagined it happening to me.  Its not really such a horrible experience considering the email was merely a yahoo account.  If anything its a nuisance rather than an extreme upheaval of my life.  I also enjoyed going through the whole process of having to come up with a new email ID and complete new account. I chose to go super fancy and picked an ID that was Gaelic.  I really liked the sound of it... it just flows off the tongue well. 

The only other issue I had with the whole experience was of course sending out a mass email telling everyone to ignore emails from this account and to not send me mail to this particular account, but even this was not a huge ordeal.  I received a couple of emails of course asking what happened but all in all this took only 15 minutes of my life and I enjoyed it anyway.

So to the gentleman or lady who corrupted my email... I say thanks!

Cheers!

Spring Weather

Oh how I just love spring time!  The only problem with it here in Colorado is that it never just stays in spring time mode.  The weather starts to warm up and storms begin to build and pass, and then before you can celebrate the wonderful spring time cheer... it snows.  All week has been just beautiful and we are supposedly going to receive (granted a light dusting) snow tomorrow.  I never believed anyone before moving here that the weather is unpredictable, but sure enough Colorado has proven itself as very unreliable.  I am still trying to become more accustomed to the great variances, but I fear that I will never fully accept it.  I just don't care for getting snow outside the winter months.... actually I don't care for snow during any months!  I suppose all I can do is just sit back, wait it out, and hope the summer comes fairly quickly.

Cheers!

Action Movies

I had decided to watch Blade II the other day considering I was bored and its been quite a few years since I last saw it.  I  remembered it being a rather "cool" movie with lots of fun action scenes, swords swinging back and forth, and big guns that can mow down an entire group of invading vampires, but sadly I was disappointed this time.  I'm sure its just my tastes have changed as I've gotten older and I'd like to think, more wiser. I sat on my couch half amused and nearly asleep.  I really had to chuckle at the scene in which they are preparing to enter the underground sewers during the day in order to kill off the horde of oddly mutated vampires, some rap song is blaring in the background as the camera man sweeps over each member applying their pleather outfits with black plastic shoulder pads, because apparently the combination of pleather and plastic is enough to ensure their safety against these demonic creatures.  Tears came to my eyes as I nearly laughed myself off of my seat and the most amusing thought was how in the world did I ever find this to be "cool".  I distinctly remember thinking, "this is awesome" and yet I couldn't even make it through the entire movie.  I had an odd mixture of being amused and bored so I determined that it would just be better if I turned it off.  Of course these thoughts did bring back other memories of times in which I am pain stackingly embarrassed to mention.  I recall one event (not embarrassing to me) where I was watching Fast and Furious at the drive-in.  Two young kids who couldn't have been more than 12 years old were going on and on about how each were going to place a NOS system in their car.  I had to chuckle at this considering that neither were even old enough to drive let alone make their car a moving bomb, but its moments like these in which it reminds me that once I too found something cool (Blade) and I'm sure that just like me those kids will be embarrassed of it one day.

Cheers!

Moods: Good vs Bad

I have to wonder if some people prefer to be in bad moods rather than good ones.  I think this because I work with a nurse who is in a perpetual bad mood.  I'm now a person (due to extensive therapy) who can easily find the good and I find myself nearly always in a good mood.  I hum to myself while smiling, my patients state that I am sweet, and my coworkers comment on my bright outlook.  Today was no different than any other day in which I come into work with positive thoughts and feelings.  I feel that if I can spread some good cheer around perhaps those around me will be happier as well, unfortunately this does not work on the particular individual I had beforehand mentioned.  I was initially floated to another department but when the needs of my own increased enough for me to return. I had returned to my home unit.  The moment I walked through the door I could tell that today for this nurse was no different than any other, her scowl seemed to darken the room.  I smiled as I always do and asked her how her morning had progressed which was responded with another scowl and "The same shit as always, just a new day."  I do not find a fault with this person, but I just wish she was more perceptive and receiving when someone offers good moods.  I have seen other people attempt to cheer this woman and their efforts are usually received in the same manor as mine. 

I realize that people are individually responsible for bringing themselves into good, cheerful moods, and I also realize that some people need that extra outside help to elevate their mood.  Obviously this is a personal choice for her to remain in such a dark state of mind, but her actions and behavior represent my entire department.  I was appalled (but not surprised) to hear people on the floor I had floated to speak of this nurse and how on prior occasions when floated to their department has exhibited such negative attitudes that not only staff complained but patients as well.  I have personally have had two patients of mine express a concern regarding this nurse's attitude.  What upsets me regarding these situations is that I am now held responsible for her behavior.  I apologize multiple times and they state that there is no need for me to be sorry for her actions, but how can I not apologize when she is representing our unit?  I go to these other units and I feel the need to be extra bubbly in order to show them that not all of us have such a negative attitude towards work.  I feel the need to apologize to her patients stating that not all of the staff shares her feelings and that we are very concerned with the care they receive while in our facility.  I am constantly doing PR work while around this woman and I tire of being looked upon by staff, patients, and family so negatively because they perceive us as being heartless, careless, and unconcerned.

Well, that was my rant and now that its finally off my chest I feel again at ease and relaxed.  I look over to my side occasionally and watch her, wondering what about her life makes her so miserable, but I feel that I'll never know the answer to that.  I feel sorry for her, no one should ever have to be so truly upset with life.  I hope she too finds peace of mind like I did and will one day be able to come into work, singing and smiling with cheer.

Cheers!

Television

I just can't stand TV anymore.  A while back my husband and I decided that we were paying way too much money for satellite TV that we never watched.  So it made sense to just cancel our satellite and live off of Netflix and movies.  Its been nearly 5 months since we've had it and I can say honestly I don't miss it.  Today I'm sitting with a patient, who mind is sleeping the entire day, wants her TV on and loudly.  I wanted to study for a test or enjoy a bit of a book, but I can not for anything stay focused.  Even now as I'm typing this that infernal noise box is yelling in my ears some woman on the cooking channel.  It just further proves that I do not need to go back to having cable.  I find myself getting agitated listening to it and my patient is lying over there snoring.  If she isn't awake why have the darn thing on in the first place???  I thought if anything she would have liked to have it off so that she could rest, but if anyone or anything wakes her up she turns it back on and turns the volume way up.


Victory is mine!!  Sorry, a Family Guy reference there!!  I can smile once again because my dear little lady as fallen asleep once more and so I turned the volume down to let her rest.  The poor dear really does need to rest and I'm hoping that with fewer distractions she'll be more able to do so.  Rest is often the best medicine for some people, and I'm hoping that its the case for this sweet woman.

Cheers!

A Fountain of Knowledge

I just love meeting new people who are really knowledgeable of subject material that is quite beyond me.  If only the brain were literally a sponge that could soak up all the information they have.  Just a bit ago I had a nurse explain that "Mucine" was a term referring to the common genius of mice.  The other weekend I worked with a nurse who was a big herpetologist and was explaining to me how some rattlesnakes here lately have not been growing rattles as early as they should.  He was saying that they have been mistaken for common bull snakes until turned in order to see the diamond pattern because they have been full grown and yet have no rattle.

I love to learn and ask questions and I really love when people are so willing to share their information with me.  To me asking someone questions is a form of respect.  Its as if I'm saying, "I value your knowledge and wish to gain some from you."  Of course you do run into the very rare occasion where a person seems to not take my questions in that matter and come off rudely because I'm either pestering them with questions or not bright enough to figure the information out for myself.  Dealing with these rare events is definitely worth the information I do gain from those who are so pleased to teach others.

If I were to have one wish it would be to have a mind that was capable of taking in all around me and gather information in a way that I could refer back to.  Until some random genie decides to pop up and offer me three wishes, I suppose I'll just have to deal with my "less than sponge-like" brain.

Cheers!

Dealing with Mail Carriers

Is it just me or has the USPS gone down hill?  I ordered some things through Amazon and received a notice that it had been delivered last night at 6pm.  Well, I got home around 7pm and when I checked the mail at 8pm there were no packages.  I even called my apartment building main office to check if they had it and was disappointed to find out they hadn't received anything.  I understand that people are only human and can make mistakes, but this was a ring that wasn't inexpensive and I was truly looking forward to getting.  So all afternoon after a long day in class I've been on my phone making calls after calls when I would much rather be playing Boggle or Angry birds on my phone instead.  Everyone I've spoken to has been very polite and understanding but they have no answers for me and so I'm still sitting here with my phone on hold desperately trying to figure out what happened.  I'm trying to remain positive and hopeful that the issue will soon correct itself, but its hard not to have those pessimistic thoughts in the back of your mind whispering that nothing can be done and the packages are lost forever.

Positive thoughts, positive thoughts.... Let's see... they are very polite and helpful over the phone.  Surely the packages will show up somewhere.  It's only money and time that I'm losing out on (hmm... I'm not convinced of this one).

Cheers!

Sims 3

I'm a perpetually late techy.  When people were getting their iPod Nanos I was still listening to CDs.  When people were getting iPhones, I finally was getting an iPod.  When people were getting iPads I have finally gotten an iPhone.  And of course... I just purchased Sims 3.  Mind, I haven't played any Sims games in over 6 years since I have resorted to playing only Xbox games such as Dragon Age, Oblivion, Mass Effect, Left4Dead, etc.  My sister, who just so happens to be a Sims fanatic, showed me a video she had made while playing the Sims3 game, and so I decided it was well worth a try.  I got it Friday night and unfortunately I work weekends so the only game time I have done so far amounts to around 1 hour.  I had a blast getting to design my little family, outfits and all.  The game seems relatively easy to control as my Sims characters come and go from work to home.  Playing this has reminded me how much I loved playing Sims Busting Out way back when on my PS2.  I'm actually disappointed that I had waited so long to get this game.  Of course I only have my sister to thank for introducing me to the wonderful world of people in Sunset Valley.... and to that I say Thank You!

Even my husband has gotten in the Sims spirit.  Taking it upon himself to mimic a "joke" article in The Onion, he has created a psychological experiment in which a woman is married to one brother and is having an affair with the other brother.  He also enclosed them in their house with no chance of escape or of obtaining food.  After a lengthy endurance trial the "larger" of the two brothers who took it upon himself to eat what little rotten food was left in the fridge, was the only member of the household to survive the experiment and so he rewarded him with the opportunity of leaving the "prison".  It was quite amusing watching my husband chuckle at himself.

Blogging

I have to ask myself why in the world did I even start this blog.  The only thing that comes to mind is that I like to randomly write about whatever it is I'm feeling, seeing, doing, etc. Will anybody read any of it?  Probably not, but that isn't the point.  The point is to just sit here at my computer and let my fingers glide over the keys as the random thoughts pass through my mind.  The other nice thing about blogging is the ability to vent or rant about issues that you can't at present complain about.  Another question that comes to mind about blogging is how many people out there have their own blog?  Do others read what they have to say?  I have absolutely nothing of interest to say so if no one ever reads any of my blogs does it make worth while to do?  I suppose so.  It gives me an outlet so even if none of you out there in the world even bother to glance at this insignificant blog it still does what I need it to do...... it gives me an opportunity to find release.

I could spend the next ten blog entries going on about random things I see at work or why Captain Pickard is far more worthy of being a captain than Captain Kirk and no one will ever read any of it but its still wonderful knowing that I can do it in the first place.  This makes me feel like what I have to say is purposeful and meaningful even though none of it is!  Don't you just love the magic of the internet?

An Intro into who I am

Let me first begin by saying that I am not an interesting person.  There will be no heroic tales or adventures in my blog.  I am merely me.  I am an insignificant person and that pleases me considering I hate having attention drawn towards me.  I work as a CNA (for those who are unaware what this is, it stands for Certified Nursing Assistant which translates as a person who does very basic health care and is responsible for helping the nurses as best as they can) in a hospital and I'm in school to become a Veterinary Nurse.  A veterinary nurse was not my first choice, in fact I went through many job dreams as I grew up.  My first dream job was to be a Meteorologist but when I discovered that it was nearly impossible to get a job ONLY chasing tornadoes I quickly decided against it.  Then it was to be a doctor.  I felt that being a nurse would be much more rewarding so I started off as a CNA and quickly realized that nurses are under appreciated, over worked, and quickly burned out.  I saw that no matter how much good you do for some people they will always complain and threaten.  Seeing people come in waving the "I'll sue" statement around just so that they can get their fix on narcotics made me feel disgusted and angry.  After 4 years of working as a CNA I ultimately decided that nursing wasn't for me so I switched my ambitions to becoming an astronomer.   Space had been a relatively new love for me.  I remember the first night my grandfather pulled out his telescope and let me view the stars... I fell in love right away.  I had my college picked out and was ready to get started when I further looked into what a job like that would require for me.  That is when I saw "teaching".  I'm not a good teacher, I'm overly critical and have zero patience for some people.  I couldn't in all good consciousness go for a career that would ultimately leave me miserable (or my students miserable) so I again looked into different career paths.  I continued working for 2 more years when I met my future husband.  It was love at first sight, but that is a story for a different time.  We had been married for 2 years when my sister mentioned veterinary nursing stating that my love for animals would make a wonderful career and so my husband aided me in finding a good school.  I had never heard of this, assuming that Veterinarians were the only jobs available for animal care.  I looked further into it and decided that it was something worth trying.  I'm currently in my second year of school and will finish in December of this year.  It's truly the first time in my life where I felt happy with my decision. 
That is my schooling and career history.

There are so many things that can define or make up a person.  My personality I feel is a great part of what makes me, me.  I'm a quiet individual and hate to indulge information regarding myself unless its done incognito.  I love to blog and chat on forums just as long as no one knows me personally.  I feel a sense of security hiding behind a computer and a screen name. I have quirky habits and behaviors that thankfully my husband finds endearing.  I'm a nerd at heart and am addicted to Star Trek, Star Wars, documentaries, and the history channel.  I also have a mental illness.  I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, panic disorder, depression, and Bipolar II disorder.  These all make a big part of me.  When I first realized I had problems I had let them progress so far that I was at the point where I could not even leave my house for fear of some unknown disaster that awaited me if I did.  I wouldn't dare go upstairs in my home without my husband because some deep part of me felt that a little girl lived up there.  After seeing me slowly develop more and more fears, my husband convinced me to go see a therapist.  It was the perfect decision and has done me good since then.  The first 2 years were the hardest.  I ended up in the hospital 4 times on various occasions relating to my mental illness.  My emotions were all over the place and the only thing I could rely on was my husband, my loving sister, and caring parents. They all stood by me and supported me through it all.  Its something I can never repay them for and I try to remember to thank them for it everyday.  I've gone through many medication trials and have finally in the past year have found the right combination.  It feels wonderful that I can get up each morning and get ready for the day without feeling like it takes every ounce of my energy to do so.  My emotions have stabilized and there is no guess work as to what I'll do next.  I do not hate having a mental illness for it definitely is a part of what makes me and I feel that it has made me a much better person.  I have patience for individuals and I am able to handle more than I was ever capable of before.

That is a small portion of everything that defines me, but I don't want to bore anyone.  I wanted to give you a basic idea of what I'm like so that perhaps some of my mindless rabble and rants would at least have an explanation as to why I say and do the things I do.