A Need

I'm going to write a bit off topic from my normal video game reviews.  I've been having this need, one so overwhelmingly powerful that it breaks my heart that I cannot pursue this need.  I have worked in medicine for 12 years, taking care of stubbed toes and drunks.  Working in the ICU as given me the opportunity to take care of people who truly need medical care and yet they are still ungrateful and rude.  The Ebola crisis as been rampant in the news and this is where my need comes from.  I have this desire to go and actually do what I was trained to do in medicine, help those in need.  So many people are dying, children are being left orphans, pain and chaos are blanketing these areas.  They have little medical supplies, lack of medical professionals, and lack of medication to help these poor people.  I know there is a major risk of traveling there and it is a quite high percentage of contracting Ebola yourself if you do, but this doesn't matter to me.  I need to help these people, I need to hold their hands and let them know that they are not alone and not forgotten.  There is only one problem, I can't.  I can't afford the costs for me to not work and travel to Africa to help these people.  The World Health Organization is accepting volunteers but I do not have a passport and there is no way to obtain one quickly.  I feel helpless listening to the news as the numbers increase relentlessly of cases and as political figures in Africa beg for help.  Every time the news turns towards Africa, I feel tears welling up in my eyes.  I wish I could go and help.  I would give anything for the opportunity to give to a community that so desperately needs assistance.  Luckily not all is lost, there are so many organizations here in the states that will need help gathering medical supplies to send to Africa, and I will have to be content with at least helping in that minor aspect.

Dr. Who

So I'm only about 2 seasons behind in the BBC's series Dr. Who (I need to catch up!).  I was finally introduced to the 11th doctor, Matt Smith about two days ago.  Being absolutely in love with David Tennant, I was reluctant to begin the seasons with the new doctor, hence my being so far behind.  Eventually though my love for the show overcame the fear of disliking Matt Smith and so I proceeded to start season 5.  I will gladly admit how wrong I was to nearly abandon the show!  Matt Smith is a wonderful doctor!  He is funny, witty, and quirky (all the traits I have come to love in the 10th doctor). Though my fondness for David Tennant as the doctor will never fade, I have thoroughly enjoyed Matt Smith.  Of course now that I have reacquainted myself with Dr. Who I read that they will be replacing Matt Smith (just my luck), and some sources even say with a woman.  Now I do hope that they decide against replacing the doctor with a woman; it just sounds preposterous to me.  The doctor has always been a male and I think seeing a woman will through my off.  But I did learn one thing during my hiatus from the show, never give up on the doctor, the new ones may be just as good as the last.

~Cheers!

Dragon's Dogma *Spoilers Inside*

Dragon's Dogma has been receiving some high recommendations and high scores, but for once I have to disagree with the Gamespot newsletter.  Dragon's Dogma had a bizarre story line and merely OK graphics that felt cartoonish (when competing with such games like Skyrim).  RPG's are built around their story lines and this one was reaching.  It didn't make sense (now it very well could have explained more when progressing through the game but I never did finish it).  It begins with the end, which is such an overdone ploy.  After you complete the ending you go to the character screen which allows you to design your character, this is such a confusing screen where it makes you pick a "basic model" but then doesn't give clear indications of how to further customize your character.  After figuring this out the game begins with a lengthy intro cut scene showing your town being attacked by a dragon.  As the townsfolk flee, the video continues showing you grab a sword and attack the dragon.  After a bit the dragon looks down and sees your sword pinned in its paw and says something in some dragon language that you do not understand yet.  Here is where it really begins to become confusing, the dragon than pokes your heart out with one of its claws and swallows it whole while continuing to speak in the strange language but you are still alive.  So now begins your quest to regain your stolen heart.  So much is left to confusion, why were you so special?  why did he steal your heart?  why are the dragons returning?

You are allowed "companions" referred to as "Pawns" in the game which are creatures from the "rift" (I'm guessing this is similar to another realm or dimension) that have no emotions or free will.  Its hard to appreciate them considering they are not "real" characters and they have no back story or interesting qualities.  Another annoyance of these pawns is their continual speaking of moves during a fight scene.  Every spell, attack, or defense they use they shout out something about it popping up a dialogue box in your HUD. 

I know people have scored this game highly and I wish I shared their opinion, but it was very hard for me to get into this game.  I returned it rather quickly.  I hope if you play it that you enjoy it.

~Cheers!

Deus Ex

Now granted I am not too far into this game,but I can easily say that it is pretty great. Graphics in game have improved since the 8 bit blocky creatures we played with back in the 80's, and this game is a testament to how far we truly have come.  It has a movie like quality with a reasonable amount of cut scenes (and not so much that it is overdone like in Mass Effect 3).  The characters do tend to move in robotic ways, but this is a minor flaw in my opinion.  The game itself has many same qualities like Splinter cell or Metal Gear Solid where stealth plays a major role in determing whether you can win, but it also allows for many different options or paths in order to obtain your objectives.  There are many options available and sometimes what seems straight forward can get you into trouble.  Taking down enemies can involve either killing them or merely knocking them out, but if your position is revealed you do not simply lose, but you are able to save yourself by taking down the enemies in your area and continuing on if able to without dying.  Of course if you manage to progress through your mission without detection you receive quite the XP bonus.  The game also allows the player to really decide how to progress through the game.  The player is often given choices as to how they wish to proceed through the game which is a quality I always enjoy.  For fans who enjoy stealth games I would highly recommend this one.

~Cheers!

Skyrim *Spoilers Inside*

I just loved Oblivion and when I heard that the sequel Skyrim was soon to come out I was ecstatic!  So I began my adventure as I always do, a wood elf.  The graphics were amazing for a video game and the world is so real and open.  I have always loved how the Oblivion game was an open world that you could roam and experience so much.  Well Skyrim lived up to those similar standards and the world this time was even more amazing and detailed.  There were different regions with distinct weather patterns and environment types like swamps, mountains, plains, etc.  Each region hosted a large city surrounded by so many other places of interest that by the end my map was littered with so many icons I had to scroll through each to find what I was looking for.  The creatures in this game were also equally amazing, a couple of new members were the giants that were usually accompanied by mammoths and of course the dragons.  They were definitely worthy foes.  The dragons were difficult at first, but through leveling it became a very thrilling event.  Each time I took down a dragon I found it hard to not smile and cheer.  The stories and missions were also entertaining.  My favorite would definitely be the "Escape from Pelagius' mind" of course this is all because they have Prince Sheogorath as your lovable guide and like my earlier post regarding Prince Sheogorath, he is hard not to like.  I only wish they had him play a larger role in the game, but I can at least be happy that they brought him back for an appearance!  I had many favorite cities in this game, including Markarth, a city built entirely of stone that towers over a valley below; Solitude, a city high above the ocean that is built on top of a natural land bridge; and Riften, a city with a dark underbelly that houses the thieves guild.  All areas of the map were beautiful and mesmerizing but those three cities were by far my favorite.  I say to any who are thinking of playing this game, "Have a blast!"

~Cheers!

Mass Effect 3 Series *Spoilers Inside*

I have never been so disappointed in all my gaming life. The hype and build up that the Mass Effect series promised was squashed has I saw the ghost of some little boy come up to me and say choose a path. I have never minded games that make you choose but I have squandered so many hours into these games with the hope that the universe would be saved and all would be well. I believe the video creators decided to become Hollywood with this game by having nearly over half of it be movie clips with few fighting in between and a preachy ending where technology and advancing intellect equals chaos. I just wanted a simple RPG with awesome aliens to battle and instead I got a CG movie with a plot that even a two year old wouldn't believe in. There was such promise when the first Mass Effect came out and I am so sad to say that I regret playing it through to the end.

A New Year

I was reading over some of my other posts and I thought, "boy I complain alot."  I never meant to come off always angry or only write what is upsetting but yet that is all I have done.  I began this with a positive outlook and wanted to use this opportunity to help me re-evaluate those thoughts that seem so negative.  I'm never one for New Year's Resolutions, but this year I'm going to break that.  I decided that instead of getting angry or upset at work or school and than getting on here to just complain, I'm instead going to get upset or angry and get on here to talk about something positive about that issue.

I'd like to begin with saying how much I like this one nurse's smile.  She occassionally smiles and when she does its a very nice, sincere and pretty smile.  I hope to see her smiling more this coming year and I hope that her life is less troubled and complicated.  Those she enjoys being around make her smile more and I do hope that those moments are frequent for her.

Now I must say, that felt a whole lot better than just whining and feeling depressed.  "Don't sweat the small stuff"... that's what they say right?


Cheers!

Benevolent Creatures

I love animals.  I love the fact that they aren't critical, unpredictable, impatient, loud, obnoxious, (please insert more negative adjectives regarding some people).  I had a confrontation with a co-worker today regarding something that technically I'm not trained on, but every nurse has said it was fine if I do it.  Its merely pressing a button on the IV when it begins beeping for random reasons.  She came in when I told her it was continuously going off (she had never bothered to rush in there and check it so I did).  Instead of just taking the time to fix it in the first place, she waits until I bring it to her attention again and then its my fault because I continuously was hitting the silent button.  The patient had complained multiple times that it was annoying her and so I did that to give her peace.  Now another nurse had gone in there to look at the IV and said it was fine.  What I would like to know is why this nurse never complained before about me doing this? What about this situation was different?  She upset me so much that my chest started hurting and I'm feeling very anxious.  I know she complained about me to another nurse (she didn't really bother to be discrete about it).  So now I'm afraid everyone knows and that they are all being overly-critical even though they have done it themselves.  I'm sure its just my anxiety overly exaggerating the situation, but my mind just can't help but think these things.

Luckily my day wasn't all bad.  A bloodhound who is working as a therapy dog came by the unit and I just love these days when they stop by.  I just had a blast loving all over Daisy and getting those big slobbery bloodhound kisses from her!  Animals are so great to be around.... how can you be angry when you have that cute of a face staring at you??

Cheers!

Utoya and Oslo, Norway

I shiver at realizing just what some people are capable of.  The man who is suspected of the bombing in Oslo and the shooting rampage on Utoya seems so normal in his photos.  Its hard to imagine that anyone is capable of killing another human being, and to go to an island where a large youth group is located and shooting teenagers point blank is even more horrific.  I always found it appropriate that the Nobel Peace Prize is awarded in Norway because they seem to have so little violence there.  Its such a quiet peaceful community of people and to think of this happening there is truly mind blowing.  I shed tears reading the first hand accounts of some of the young survivors and their tales of escape and terror.  My thoughts go out to all of the victims and their families.  I hope that they find peace in their hearts and that the pain of their losses is short.  My thoughts are with you, the people of Norway.

World Of Warcraft

Oh yes, this is another post about another MMORPG!  If you haven't figured it out yet, I'm a total nerd and these games are just great in my opinion.  There is always an exciting appeal to having the ability to play an RPG with other live players.  My next adventure in these game types was of course World of Warcraft.  Now I'm not going to go too deeply into this one considering I've had it for about a week now and I've only been able to get on three times to play (darn you school and work taking up my precious time!).  Its a blast so far though.  There are so many races to chose from that it took me an entire night to fully read up on each and then make a decision.  Having the Burning Crusade expansion pack has allowed me even more choices which is really exciting to say the least.  Choosing a job path was equally if not more harder than choosing the race.  Ultimately for my first character I went with the Shaman and I'm enjoying it!  Its a nice mixture of magical spells and melee attacks.  The other aspect of this game which Rappelz has angered me on, is that they don't punish you for dying.  If you can make it back to your body you will lose zero experience points.  Rappelz on the other hand deducts quite a bit of your experience when you die even risking the possibility of deleveling your character.  This is the factor that has angered me so much that I have made a personal ban on Rappelz and I refuse to play it any longer.  Its nearly impossible to play solo and level yourself.  I say damn you Rappelz!

If anyone reading this is an avid player of World of Warcraft, feel free to look me up: Azzari is my main character.

Cheers!

Prius Online (MMORPG)

So gpotato has finally opened Prius online for open beta testing and I have to say I'm not all that impressed.  As with most MMORPGs there is a major learning curve but I feel that this one didn't take the time to explain anything.  The character system resembles that of Aika but with one unique "cat" type character.  Most of the characters are long range attackers which is quite frustrating when you need a good variety for dungeon parties.  Also much like Aika you have a small fairy child pet that slowly grows and learns with you.  Let me first say that I just can't stand the Prius version of this.  The very first time you meet your fairy, also called an Anime, its a confusing narration that makes no sense at all referring to past memories and other mumbo jumbo.  Then the very next scene I'm attempting to open a chest when a message pops up on my screen stating that my anime is very nervous and that I should comfort her.  For the creators of this game I would like to ask... HOW the heck do I do that????  I'm sitting there attempting just about everything to calm her down when my timer runs out and another message pops up stating that my anime is disappointed in my lack of concern for her.  At this point I pretty much said the game isn't worth it and I closed it out. 

This game has so many problems that I could fill this blog for eternity with the points that I don't like.  But I'll leave it as this for now and merely state that I'm sticking with Aika or Rappelz.

Cheers!

Prince Sheogorath of the Shivering Isles

If you have read earlier posts, you might well know that I just love video games, particularly RPGs.  Oblivion IV was my very first RPG ever and it was truly the game that drew me into that genre.  Before it, I was a strictly first person shooter fan, you would have never caught me playing anything else.  Halo, Gears of War, Left 4 Dead, you name it I probably played it! 

Now the entire game of Oblivion IV is just truly remarkable, but the one thing about it that I'll never forget is the Shivering Isles downloadable content.  Another thing to keep in mind with this is yes it was my first dive into an RPG game, but also I played it right after being diagnosed with Bipolar II disorder.  So, with that said, when I first encountered this Shivering Isles I felt as though someone had looked through my eyes and created this fantasy world just for me.  I fell in love with the place right away.  You walk through one of the doors (dementia or mania) and its truly a beautiful, and yet artificial, world.  Large tree trunks twist up to mushroom tops, flowers that are so wondefully colorful dot the rolling green fields, and at night as you look up you watch as pink and purple galaxies and nebulas float across the night sky.  Its a truly artistic and beautiful world.  What really drew me in was seeing the two sides to this city.  You have the dementia side which is dark and twisted, but all you have to do is walk through a door and you'll enter the bright colorful world of mania.  Now considering I had been struggling at this time with my new diagnosis of Bipolar it literally was a reflection of myself.  This world had two sides as if someone took me, split me in half, and let me walk around a world that reflected these two sides of myself.  I loved it!!!!!!!

I spent a lot of time wandering around this game land just enjoying the view when I decided that it was time to move on with the game and work my way towards the end.  That is when I met Prince Sheogorath, the creater and master of Shivering Isles.  He is so wonderfully entertaining that I fell in love right away with this character.  He rambles on continously switching quickly between threats of death and lementations of joy that you are there.  He is an extreme of what I was at this time of my life.....a complete nut case!  Swinging back and forth between happiness and anger this Prince couldn't be more humerous.  Even now.. a good couple years since I first played this game, I still smile at the thought of speaking with this truly mad character.  The thought that consistantly stuck with me was, "if he were a real person, he would be truly fun to just hang out with."  I have to congratulate the designers of this game and the storyboard writers who came up with his laughable rants.

If I had any skill in writing, I think I would write an ode to the Prince of Madness.  But considering my lack of talent, I'll just have to live with this short blog entry.

Cheers!

A New Phase

Last night we had our pinning ceremony for the Vet Tech program and it made me realize how I'm entering into a new phase in my life.  I've been in and out of various college programs never quite sure as to what I wanted to do with my life and so because of this, I never actually imagined myself being out of college.  Nine years I've been going to college and now its all coming to an end.  I do find it exciting, but also a bit unnerving.  Where do I go from here?  Of course I plan to start working as soon as I can and in the fall I start my bachelor's degree.  I guess I just can't stay away from school!  But what happens in two years when I'm done with that?  What happens when my husband finishes grad school?  What do you have to aim for after all of this is said and done?  So many questions and never any answers.  I suppose that is why life is so interesting... it keeps you on your toes.

Cheers!

Dragon Age II *Spoilers Inside*

When I play a game, I don't just play... I live it.  It starts to encompass my entire world so that really nothing else besides the game can be accomplished and Dragon Age II is no different from any other game I've played.  I'm not quite sure, other than I'm just a backwards person, but I decided to read some people's review on the game after the fact that I've played and finished it.  I found nearly all of them to have a good perspective and good points about positive and negative aspects of the game.  Generally I personally enjoy the game (when you have the same producers that created nearly the greatest games of all time: Mass Effect series, you just can't go wrong).

So let's start with the dialogue.  Its great..... and yet a bit redundant at times.  Having played through a couple times, choosing different dialogue options and choices throughout the game, I discovered that much of it stays the same regardless of things you do.  For example, let's look at the Blackpowder Promise mission (This mission is prior to the Blackpowder Courtesy).  You begin the mission by stumbling upon a dwarf being attacked by giant spiders.  He tells you about this powerful explosive blackpowder made by the Qunari and he then asks you to hunt down the Tal-Vashoth (a ruthless band of rebel Qunari) as a favor for the Arishok.  At this point in time you have various dialogue options ranging from the basic "yea I'll do it", "this is a stupid plan", to the downright, "forget it".  Regardless of which dialogue option you choose the mission (as with all the missions in this game) remains open for you to perform.  After taking on the Tal-Vashoth you then are prompted to return to the docks and speak with the Qunari leader.  Through two different play-throughs I chose one, "yea I'll do it" and one "forget it".  The dialogue between the dwarf, the Arishok, and myself didn't vary at all.  The game highly prompts that the choices you make alters game play and I just don't see this consistently with the various missions. 

Fighting: Wonderful.  The game designers really improved upon an already good system.  I recall games earlier on in my life where it was mere button smashing in order to fight your way through your enemies and most games today have drastically improved this.  Dragon Age II has a wonderfully easy radial menu with six options open to various fighting styles you can personally assign to each.  I just loved that they kept this from the first one.  Also with this sequel the moves that you see your characters performing have become even more flourished with grace and style.  I was also quite impressed that the mages in the game went from mere point and shoot with their staff to a much more kung fu type movements as they twirl their staffs along their body. 

Armor:  Very nice that I no longer have to worry about purchasing armor for my companions as they wear what is originally assigned to them, but you are allowed to upgrade each one's armor to help protect you along the game with the progressively stronger opponents.  I was hoping for more style and pizazz for my character, but I wasn't entirely disappointed either.  The ultimate champion armor of course being one of the best looking armors available, I was intrigued that instead of just handing it over in the third act, you are instead expected to fight a boss dragon (which was one heck of an ordeal).

Ending:  I enjoyed that you are still able to romance your various companions so as my first run through with the game I chose to woo Anders, an apostate mage who has fused himself with a spirit of justice.  I was dreadfully disappointed that he turned out to be a mass murderer with no sense of regret or guilt.  It made me think of how different it would have been if the designers instead allowed you to stop him if pursuing a relationship with him, and not have that capability if romancing any of the other companions.  I just wish that I had more control over the events that lead to and end the game.  With Mass Effect I felt that every choice, even in regards to the smallest of side missions, ultimately had some affect on the rest of the game play and ending.  Your companion's lives are literally in your hands in Mass Effect 2, but you just don't see or feel that way with Dragon Age II.

All in all I thoroughly enjoyed the game and I personally would give it a 7.5 out of 10.  I suppose after having played Mass Effect, my standards have risen in regards to RPG's, but Dragon Age II surely doesn't disappoint in entertainment value.

Cheers!

A Cattle Story

Oh do I have quite the humorous cattle story that would be criminal to keep to myself.  Everyone should have the pleasure of laughing at my expense!  As I have stated before in posts and in my profile, I'm a Veterinary Nurse.  My class was assigned to a reproductive Angus cattle farm to do some clinical hours with large animals.  The morning started off without a hitch as we corralled a couple of heifers, placed them in the cattle alley, and put the first heifer into the chute.  *Just as a side note, this particular style of alley and chute was designed by an autistic woman whose goal was to limit the stress of the animal when corralling them into these small areas.  The heifer seemed very calm, occasionally mooing at us as we practiced placing harnesses and jugular blood draws.  The veteranarian on staff was very knowledgeable with many years of experience in large animal medicine.  He explained everything that they do at the ranch even going into detail on how they mass produce embryos of elite cattle to sell.  We were all having a pretty good time, as far as I could tell, and I know I was having just a blast.  The veterinarian then asked if any of us would like to draw blood from a tail vein, and me always wanting to try everything that is offered, quickly rose my hand and stepped up to the chute.  The veterinarian got in first and showed me as I stood off to the side, just how I was going to walk in and do the blood draw.  He lifted the heifer's tail and she managed to squirt out a bit of feces onto his overalls.  We all kind of chuckled and then he stepped out so that I could go in next.  Filled with an undying eagerness I walked into the chute and stepped up to the cow's behind.  The veterinarian stood close to monitor and was giving me good pointers as I felt along the tail for the exact spot I needed.  Being a kind gentleman and in an attempt to aid me, the veterinarian said he would hold the tail up for me.  As soon as that tail went up in the air, Bessy (the name I decided to give my sweet cow friend) took aim and fired. From my stomach down to the boots I wore were literally covered in **** (feces).  And of course, like a true trooper, I looked down, looked back up at my classmates, smiled, and laughed.  I sure wasn't going to let a little bit of warm brown goo get me down so with tail still high up in the air, I poked and got blood on my first try! 
I sort of waddled my way out of the chute and like any other animal lover, instead of immediately going to wash off, I was more concerned with my patient.  Unfortunately (the one down side to my story) the heifer had been in the chute for such a time that it had blocked the jugular artery causing her to not be able to walk.  We were all pretty shaken up as we saw her desperately trying to stand on her front two legs to get back out to the pasture.

Thankfully there was only good news after we had departed from the ranch.  The veterinarian informed us that she had recovered fully and was doing just fine.  They had given her some pain medications and this seemed to do the trick.  As for me I have lots of photos and my stained jeans to never let me forget about my wonderful experience!

Cheers!

Email Corruption

I've heard of this happening to others, but never imagined it happening to me.  Its not really such a horrible experience considering the email was merely a yahoo account.  If anything its a nuisance rather than an extreme upheaval of my life.  I also enjoyed going through the whole process of having to come up with a new email ID and complete new account. I chose to go super fancy and picked an ID that was Gaelic.  I really liked the sound of it... it just flows off the tongue well. 

The only other issue I had with the whole experience was of course sending out a mass email telling everyone to ignore emails from this account and to not send me mail to this particular account, but even this was not a huge ordeal.  I received a couple of emails of course asking what happened but all in all this took only 15 minutes of my life and I enjoyed it anyway.

So to the gentleman or lady who corrupted my email... I say thanks!

Cheers!

Spring Weather

Oh how I just love spring time!  The only problem with it here in Colorado is that it never just stays in spring time mode.  The weather starts to warm up and storms begin to build and pass, and then before you can celebrate the wonderful spring time cheer... it snows.  All week has been just beautiful and we are supposedly going to receive (granted a light dusting) snow tomorrow.  I never believed anyone before moving here that the weather is unpredictable, but sure enough Colorado has proven itself as very unreliable.  I am still trying to become more accustomed to the great variances, but I fear that I will never fully accept it.  I just don't care for getting snow outside the winter months.... actually I don't care for snow during any months!  I suppose all I can do is just sit back, wait it out, and hope the summer comes fairly quickly.

Cheers!

Action Movies

I had decided to watch Blade II the other day considering I was bored and its been quite a few years since I last saw it.  I  remembered it being a rather "cool" movie with lots of fun action scenes, swords swinging back and forth, and big guns that can mow down an entire group of invading vampires, but sadly I was disappointed this time.  I'm sure its just my tastes have changed as I've gotten older and I'd like to think, more wiser. I sat on my couch half amused and nearly asleep.  I really had to chuckle at the scene in which they are preparing to enter the underground sewers during the day in order to kill off the horde of oddly mutated vampires, some rap song is blaring in the background as the camera man sweeps over each member applying their pleather outfits with black plastic shoulder pads, because apparently the combination of pleather and plastic is enough to ensure their safety against these demonic creatures.  Tears came to my eyes as I nearly laughed myself off of my seat and the most amusing thought was how in the world did I ever find this to be "cool".  I distinctly remember thinking, "this is awesome" and yet I couldn't even make it through the entire movie.  I had an odd mixture of being amused and bored so I determined that it would just be better if I turned it off.  Of course these thoughts did bring back other memories of times in which I am pain stackingly embarrassed to mention.  I recall one event (not embarrassing to me) where I was watching Fast and Furious at the drive-in.  Two young kids who couldn't have been more than 12 years old were going on and on about how each were going to place a NOS system in their car.  I had to chuckle at this considering that neither were even old enough to drive let alone make their car a moving bomb, but its moments like these in which it reminds me that once I too found something cool (Blade) and I'm sure that just like me those kids will be embarrassed of it one day.

Cheers!

Moods: Good vs Bad

I have to wonder if some people prefer to be in bad moods rather than good ones.  I think this because I work with a nurse who is in a perpetual bad mood.  I'm now a person (due to extensive therapy) who can easily find the good and I find myself nearly always in a good mood.  I hum to myself while smiling, my patients state that I am sweet, and my coworkers comment on my bright outlook.  Today was no different than any other day in which I come into work with positive thoughts and feelings.  I feel that if I can spread some good cheer around perhaps those around me will be happier as well, unfortunately this does not work on the particular individual I had beforehand mentioned.  I was initially floated to another department but when the needs of my own increased enough for me to return. I had returned to my home unit.  The moment I walked through the door I could tell that today for this nurse was no different than any other, her scowl seemed to darken the room.  I smiled as I always do and asked her how her morning had progressed which was responded with another scowl and "The same shit as always, just a new day."  I do not find a fault with this person, but I just wish she was more perceptive and receiving when someone offers good moods.  I have seen other people attempt to cheer this woman and their efforts are usually received in the same manor as mine. 

I realize that people are individually responsible for bringing themselves into good, cheerful moods, and I also realize that some people need that extra outside help to elevate their mood.  Obviously this is a personal choice for her to remain in such a dark state of mind, but her actions and behavior represent my entire department.  I was appalled (but not surprised) to hear people on the floor I had floated to speak of this nurse and how on prior occasions when floated to their department has exhibited such negative attitudes that not only staff complained but patients as well.  I have personally have had two patients of mine express a concern regarding this nurse's attitude.  What upsets me regarding these situations is that I am now held responsible for her behavior.  I apologize multiple times and they state that there is no need for me to be sorry for her actions, but how can I not apologize when she is representing our unit?  I go to these other units and I feel the need to be extra bubbly in order to show them that not all of us have such a negative attitude towards work.  I feel the need to apologize to her patients stating that not all of the staff shares her feelings and that we are very concerned with the care they receive while in our facility.  I am constantly doing PR work while around this woman and I tire of being looked upon by staff, patients, and family so negatively because they perceive us as being heartless, careless, and unconcerned.

Well, that was my rant and now that its finally off my chest I feel again at ease and relaxed.  I look over to my side occasionally and watch her, wondering what about her life makes her so miserable, but I feel that I'll never know the answer to that.  I feel sorry for her, no one should ever have to be so truly upset with life.  I hope she too finds peace of mind like I did and will one day be able to come into work, singing and smiling with cheer.

Cheers!

Television

I just can't stand TV anymore.  A while back my husband and I decided that we were paying way too much money for satellite TV that we never watched.  So it made sense to just cancel our satellite and live off of Netflix and movies.  Its been nearly 5 months since we've had it and I can say honestly I don't miss it.  Today I'm sitting with a patient, who mind is sleeping the entire day, wants her TV on and loudly.  I wanted to study for a test or enjoy a bit of a book, but I can not for anything stay focused.  Even now as I'm typing this that infernal noise box is yelling in my ears some woman on the cooking channel.  It just further proves that I do not need to go back to having cable.  I find myself getting agitated listening to it and my patient is lying over there snoring.  If she isn't awake why have the darn thing on in the first place???  I thought if anything she would have liked to have it off so that she could rest, but if anyone or anything wakes her up she turns it back on and turns the volume way up.


Victory is mine!!  Sorry, a Family Guy reference there!!  I can smile once again because my dear little lady as fallen asleep once more and so I turned the volume down to let her rest.  The poor dear really does need to rest and I'm hoping that with fewer distractions she'll be more able to do so.  Rest is often the best medicine for some people, and I'm hoping that its the case for this sweet woman.

Cheers!